Reflection

The other day, I came across one of my old half-used notebooks. As I flipped through it, I found some things I wrote either my senior year of high school or freshman year of college. As I looked over the words, I noticed that my handwriting is still as messy as it was back then, and that some of my incomplete thoughts and words scrawled across the pages are sufficiently worthy of being shared.

Here is one poem I most likely wrote as a senior in high school. I've edited a smidge while taking it from paper to blog, but for the most part, it's as I originally wrote it. Fair warning: I'm not a good poet at all. Meter and things are far beyond me, so don't judge me too harshly for the lack of poetic correctness!!

You can light up a room with that smile
But that hasn't happened in quite a while.
You think you're not the same anymore
Though I know you're more amazing than before
You look in the mirror, thinking you're weak
Yet when I look in your eyes,
All I see is strength.

The things you've seen and felt left scars on your heart
But the things that don't break you
Make for a damn good fresh start
I don't know half of what you went through
You kept all that hidden, kept your secrets close
Especially those that hurt most.

All you needed was for that pain
To make you get past the shame,
To make you strong and shake you loose
Always and on, I'll be here for you

Summer chill

Summer has always been sacred to me. It's definitely my favorite time of year, with bountiful sunshine, sparkling blue pools, float trips, and delicious midday heat. My most precious childhood memories are of summers spent with friends and family, devouring ice pops, barbecuing in the backyard, and watching fireworks explode in the night sky. Even now, I wish I could relive those memories, but so much has changed. Summer doesn't quite hold the same wonder or freedom it used to for me, but it still holds a place in my heart, screaming out, begging to be savored.

Today's the official start of summer. The longest day of the year. Call me a pessimist, but it's like I can already feel the chill of fall closing in on me.

From here on out, the days just keep getting shorter. It's one of those things that's always been quite depressing for me. In the back of my mind, I know there's still plenty of summertime left, but I know that it's going to fly by.

The summer solstice is like the top of a rollercoaster to me. Sure, there's still some twists and turns and fun to be had, but the dreaded slowdown and halt is in view.

Last summer

For the past few days, I've been thinking about the future, almost to the point of excess. In the midst of what I originally pictured to be a fun-filled, relaxing kind of summer, I find myself working nearly as hard as ever. This phenomenon has drained me a bit, and it's also taken some of my usually-philosophical nature away as well. Bear with me as I depart from interpretation and stick to the bare bones of what's going on in my life at present.

It's the last summer of my life in which I am still a child of sorts. Granted, I'm nearly twenty-one, but I'm in the last phase before I'm completely, totally, and irreversibly--gasp!--an adult. This time next year, I'll be a college grad. I'll be prepping for grad school. Trying to find a decent apartment. Looking desperately for a job.

And all of this scares me more than a bit. But somehow, I'm okay with it. I have this feeling that I don't get very often; the kind that says I can accomplish whatever I damn well please. With this in mind, I'm studying for the dreaded GRE, polishing up my résumé, poring over apartment listings, and writing cover letters for internship possibilities.

Sad as it sounds, it really isn't so bad. I feel almost productive. And the way I see it, I'm earning my vacation. God knows when I'm in Florida in five weeks, résumés, internships, and busywork will be the last things on my mind.